Well I solved this yestarday. I was really close to solving the problem the other night..
The problem is in the Server, when a Flash Client thats not running locally trys to Connect to any Socket Server it needs a policy file request..
When my Client trys and connects its sends
to the server.. The server can then send back the xml fiile through the stream.. Which looks something like this:
ccess-from domain='*' to-ports='*' /> + null
You can change * to specify specific domains and ports * just means all
Now you need the null at the end or the flash client won't understand when to stop.. Its kinds like there end Command Handler.. The flash client should except this policy and then requests another connection to the server and boom your connected.. It always seems to request 2 connections.. which is wierd.. But hey Problem is fixed so i'm happy i can finally continue with my chat program..